You Deserve Love AND Respect
I like the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene because it warns both women and men about people who may be trying to take advantage of them. Greene is also the author of The 48 Laws of Power, which I believe is another …
“First comes love… Then comes marriage… Then comes Mary with a baby carriage.” Do you remember that little childhood song? We would sing it to tease someone who had a crush on a boy. We’d also sing it when playing patty cake to keep up …
If you take a close look at modern media, particularly movies and TV shows, you can see where women have gotten the idea that women chasing men is a wise idea.
While watching Meet Joe Black (1998) again I noticed that this dynamic was in play throughout the movie. The daughter eagerly chases after Joe Black throughout the entire movie, kissing him first, hunting him down to have sex with him and proclaiming her love for him to everyone who will listen.
Here’s another example: the movie Elizabethtown. In it, the character played by Kirsten Dunst begins chasing after the character played by Orlando Bloom for the entire movie from the time she first sees him on the plane. She can’t help herself. Of course everything turns out fine and dandy in the end — love blossoms — but is that really how it goes in real life?
Have movies like this been slyly convincing women that they should chase after men?
One more example: the Showtime series Californication. As entertaining as this show may be, it is a painful display of desperation of women from all walks of life and backgrounds. These types of shows are created by men with wild fantasies that all women are eager to eat the crumbs from their sandwiches. (What beautiful young woman in a bikini picks up a strange guy 20 years older than her in a liquor store and brings him home?)
The Real Life Result
What these romantic Hollywood movies and series fail to show is the common result when a woman takes on the role of a chaser in a romantic encounter — she usually gets dumped soon after. In the movies the relationship blossoms into something meaningful, but that’s just not real life in about 95 percent of cases.
So when we look at some TV shows and movies it’s easy to see how a newer generation of women have adopted this idea that chasing desperately after men for attention, love and sex is the way to go. But if it was the way to go, why are so many young women of today stuck in empty “friends with benefits” relationships or being mistreated and disregarded by the men they are dating?
There comes a time when we have to re-evaluate the confusing messages that we’ve been taught by fictional movies since we were little girls and use our own better judgment.
Love Lynn
Women & dating advice — can we take some cues from our feline friends? I am a pet lover — I’ve had both dogs and cats. But I’m partial to cats because I think they are the most like humans. They’re smart, crafty and have …
After much coaxing from others, I have started watching Dexter. It’s a TV series about a guy who serial kills bad guys. In it, his sister falls for a guy who turns out to be a very twisted killer. At first, he is very into …
So you believed you had such a great connection with the guy you were seeing that on the first or second date you decided to sleep with him. You just KNEW that he was going to want to stay in touch and keep building with you, because you were getting along so well.
But then days and weeks went by and he wasn’t calling or texting you anymore. Soon enough you realized that the “chase” was off and the tables turned. Now you’re feeling like you need to do some chasing.
Deep inside your mind you’re thinking, “doesn’t he know how great I am! It’s his loss!”
And all of that may be true. You might be the best catch a man could ever dream of — a beautiful, patient, understanding and supportive beautiful woman who would make the perfect wife or girlfriend…
But he doesn’t know that. Certainly not after a date or two.
You know that you’re a really great person, but all he knows is that you look nice in a dress and heels. He’s still a stranger after one, two or even three dates. That’s why it’s so important that you allow plenty of time to get to know a guy (and for him to get to know you) before you sleep with him. Getting you into bed is his main aim in dating you (at least at first) so the quicker he achieves that the quicker he can move onto his next “conquest.”
Think about it — you’ve known some of your family members and so-called friends for decades and they still don’t know how great of a person you are, right!? So why would you assume that a guy you just met a few weeks ago would be able to recognize your awesome and unique qualities?
You ARE great — no doubt about that. But if you want to be both loved AND respected for the awesome person you are, don’t trust someone you just met with your heart and your body.
Take your time love, there is no rush.
Love Lynn
According to the U.S. Census Bureau as of 2012, 112 million Americans over the age of 18 are unmarried. That number makes up almost half of the adult population. In years past, you were expected to have a quality long-term relationship and eventually a marriage …
Sometimes we women will give men the benefit of the doubt and trust their words way too soon — even before the guy makes good on that word. One thing I have learned (the hard way) is that a person’s word means little to nothing without …
You’re out on your second, maybe third date with a guy that you really like. You’ve had a few drinks — maybe more. You’re having a wonderful time and the endorphins are flowing. You suddenly get the feeling that this guy might actually be the one for you. Finally! It feels like you’ve made a special connection…
So you sleep with him. The morning after you feel a bit awkward but kiss your goodbyes feeling as if things will continue to go on as they have been.
A day goes by… No call or text. A few more days go by… still nothing. Over a week has passed and the guy you thought you had such a great connection with hasn’t even bothered to text you to say “hi” after sleeping with you.
Blame it On the Alcohol?
In my book Let Him Chase You, I am adamant about waiting until a bond has formed between you and a guy before being intimate IF you want the relationship to go somewhere. That bond could be a real friendship or a special connection through an experience (you guys went through something tough together). Some women choose to wait until the bond of marriage. The bottom line is, if you don’t have that bond with someone first you are at a high risk of becoming a victim in the scenario mentioned earlier.
Alcohol can make you falsely think you have a connection with someone when you actually don’t. It removes your inhibitions and makes you feel as if you’re having the time of your life. It also gives you those “beer goggles” that causes any guy to look really good. But once the drink has worn off and the deed is done, you know that you’ve probably made a big mistake.
The Solution
The solution is simple. Be careful when drinking alcohol on a date with someone you’re just getting to know. Set a firm limit on the number of drinks you’ll have (no more than two) so that you’ll have a clear head the whole time and not be swayed by the extra dopamine being released into your brain when you drink alcohol. You should be sober and certain when and if you decide that it’s time to be intimate with a guy that you’re dating.
Love Lynn
In her amazing book The Power, Rhonda Byrne tells the story of a woman who envisioned having a white Calla Lily in her hand. When she went to a friend’s dinner party there on the table was a vase full of white Calla Lilies. But …