Eve’s Story
From Let Him Chase You by Lynn Gilliard 15 days have gone by since their first date. 3 days have gone by since he last called or texted her. 7 days have gone by since he last set up a date with her. And it …
Tag: dating advice
Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool
Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships …
The Problem with “How to Keep a Man Happy” Advice
Some relationship advice columns (often offered by men if you’ll notice) tell women how they can make men happy or be more attractive to men to keep them around. But there are a few problems with this idea that women have to be aware of.
You Can’t MAKE Someone Else Happy
We all have free will. We all have the power of choice. So you as one person cannot MAKE another person happy. Their happiness is completely up to them.
You may think that making a brand new sandwich for a man every day will keep him happy. One day, he’s going to tire of sandwiches altogether and want steak everyday. Some women think that they have to keep their hair long to keep a man — then one day he sees a lovely short-haired woman and is bored with long hair. You may think that learning new sexual tricks will keep him happy. That will get old soon too. A person who is happy with you just IS. You don’t have to go out of your way to convince him of anything.
You’re Chasing Him
When you are actively seeking ways to make a man happy, that means that YOU are the chaser. You are giving him the idea that he is the sole prize to be won. He can sit back and allow you to serve him as if you are his “peasant girl.” If you are confident in your essence as a woman of worth then you would feel no need to go out of your way to put a man and his needs above your own. The same is true for anyone else in your life who demands too much of you.
It Ignores Your Need for Happiness
When you focus your life and relationship around how to keep a man happy, you forget one important thing: your own happiness. Who is going out of their way to make you happy as a woman?
So before you listen to advice on how to keep a man happy, meditate on these three points. You matter and you deserve the best — even if that means YOU are the one who has to give YOU the best.
Keep your focus on ensuring that you are happy and fulfilled.
Love Lynn
First Comes LIKE: Dating Advice
“First comes love… Then comes marriage… Then comes Mary with a baby carriage.” Do you remember that little childhood song? We would sing it to tease someone who had a crush on a boy. We’d also sing it when playing patty cake to keep up …
Women & Dating Advice: A Lesson from Our Cat Friends
Women & dating advice — can we take some cues from our feline friends? I am a pet lover — I’ve had both dogs and cats. But I’m partial to cats because I think they are the most like humans. They’re smart, crafty and have …
Dating Advice: Beware of “The Shift”
After much coaxing from others, I have started watching Dexter. It’s a TV series about a guy who serial kills bad guys.
In it, his sister falls for a guy who turns out to be a very twisted killer. At first, he is very into her to lure her into his web, but soon after she takes over “the chase” and starts going after him. He shifted on her big time.
The Shift
There is a shift that happens between men and women who date. It usually happens when the woman has sex with the guy. Almost 100 percent of the time it happens when the woman starts to lose her confidence. It most often happens when the woman gets too comfortable, way too soon.
What is the shift? The shift happens when the guy gets what he wants (sex) and the woman starts to believe she has done something wrong.
The shift happens when the guy realizes that he holds all the cards and the woman realizes she is at his mercy — emotionally and physically.
The shift is where so many women lose their sensibility and self-esteem. They wonder “what’s wrong with me” when the root of the problem is really with the guy they chose.
It’s so important as a woman in the dating world to recognize when this shift may be happening, and protect yourself. You may have made an ill-advised choice, but there’s nothing wrong with you. This is why I advocate keeping your options open and continuing to date / occupying your mind with other interests so that if you see that a guy is shifting on you, you can just… Shift your attention elsewhere.
You matter. You deserve better. The best in fact.
Love Lynn
It Doesn’t Really Mean Anything Until He Shows You Something
Sometimes we women will give men the benefit of the doubt and trust their words way too soon — even before the guy makes good on that word. One thing I have learned (the hard way) is that a person’s word means little to nothing without …
The Alcohol’s Playing Tricks on You: Drinking on a Date Can Fool You Into Believing There’s a Bond There
You’re out on your second, maybe third date with a guy that you really like. You’ve had a few drinks — maybe more. You’re having a wonderful time and the endorphins are flowing. You suddenly get the feeling that this guy might actually be the …
Let Him Chase YOU: Sometimes It’s Not Meant to Be… But We Women Force It Anyway!
In her amazing book The Power, Rhonda Byrne tells the story of a woman who envisioned having a white Calla Lily in her hand. When she went to a friend’s dinner party there on the table was a vase full of white Calla Lilies. But this woman didn’t rush to grab the flower — she patiently waited for it to manifest in her hand. As she was leaving, something compelled the host’s daughter to grab a Lily and put it right in the woman’s hand. She was patient and received exactly what she wanted.
Too Overeager?
Have you ever been in a social setting where a guy who caught your eye seemed reluctant to approach you, even though you really wanted him to? Maybe he just didn’t notice you at all and you really wanted him to.
So you probably did one of two things:
1) Left feeling bad about not connecting with him, thinking that you missed out on something special, or
2) Decided to go after HIM instead.
I am a firm believer that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I am also a firm believer in the premise of my book Let Him Chase You. If you’re meant to connect with a particular guy, some way and some how he is going to get in touch with you.
Now some women will tell you that this advice is silly — that if you see a guy you like you should go after him. Snag him, tag him and drag him home!
But I know from personal experience that this is a recipe or disaster if you are seeking a fulfilling long-term relationship with a guy.
I remember back when I was in college I walked out of a club and saw a really good looking guy standing there. He looked me up and down like he was interested but didn’t say anything and looked away. I then asked him if he was going to ask me for my phone number, and he did.
This quickly turned into a long term friends with benefits relationship. Long story short, I was playing that role of the chaser from then on. When we got into an argument, I was the one who had to call and apologize. When he moved back to his home city, I was the one who flew out to visit him. Finally, I got tired of all of the nonsense and left him alone completely.
When you force the issue with a guy, it creates an uncomfortable dynamic for us women.
Let Him Chase You
So like the woman in Rhonda Byrne’s book, don’t desperately grab for a man’s attention — let the guy come and place the Lily in your hand. Even if he doesn’t, don’t feel bad about it… be thankful because you may have avoided a stressful, draining and time-consuming experience with a guy who wasn’t right for you after all.
Let Him Chase You!
Love Lynn
New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard
New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including: – pursuing your dreams – making good money – …