You Deserve Love AND Respect
Wouldn’t it be nice if life could just be easier? Even just a little bit easier? You wake up, shower, wash your face, commence to doing your thing whatever that may be, and things seem to work out in the best way possible throughout the …
Do you find yourself butting heads with people often? It’s possible to have better relationships with the people around you. A little bit of emotional intelligence can go a long way. Keep reading. For a long time after losing a very close friend who was …
What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance or associate?
It’s a question that has come up on my social media timeline several times, so I felt it may be of value to write a bit more about this subject.
Understanding the answer to this question will help free you. It may take some time for you to adjust and accept the reality that not everyone you call a friend actually falls into this category.
I have dozens of associates and acquaintances from high school to college and on up. A few people who I consider close relatives, and one or two people who I would currently identify as friends. Those proportions aren’t unusual in this day and age. Take a moment to consider how many people to put in each category.
So, let’s get right to it. There are different types of people in this world—some who are empaths, some who completely lack empathy, and some who fall somewhere in the middle. Most people are brought up with various values, morals, and “ways” that may or may not be favorable. It’s important for you to distinguish these people (the ones in your life), for your own well-being and peace.
You’ve probably heard the term “blood is thicker than water,” but there are cases when some of your blood relatives are people you cannot count on (or even trust in some instances).
Your reliable family members are the ones who pick up the phone when you call, check in on you regularly, and come through for you when something comes up. Of course, it’s fine to love all of your relatives and be there for them in times of need, but just understand that there are some who are going to be closer to you than others.
Who would you put in this category (reliable family members)?
Note that I did not put “your” in front of this classification of people in your life. That is because these people are not “yours” — they are more strangers than friends. These are the people who you may know mostly in a professional capacity, such as from networking events, work activities, and such. They aren’t necessarily negative influences in your life, but you should not assume that they will be there for you when it really means a lot. These people sometimes will contact you out of the blue when they want to invite you to a life event, like a baby shower, wedding, or speaking event, but mainly because they want something from you (like a gift, donation, or just general attention). I don’t think it’s wise to expect much more from these social relationships as you will likely be disappointed in one way or another.
Who would you put in this category (associates)?
The same thing goes for acquaintances as far as putting the word “your” in front of the classification. Because they are not yours. They are just people who you have met along the way of life. That may be college classmates or roommates, sorority sisters, party partners, people who your friends know, ex-boyfriends, or even distant relatives. They aren’t necessarily out to get you, or wanting to hurt you, but they are not likely to be there for you if you’re going through something. Again, it’s good to understand this so you don’t feel disappointed or let down. A few might surprise you from time to time. I don’t think that you should ever put an acquaintance before a friend, close family, or anything that you have going on in your life that is important. Put yourself and those who are closest to you first.
Who would you put in this category (acquaintances)?
An opposition or opponent (better known as an “opp” or an enemy) is someone who you know, but who you should not ever trust. I mean, not all. This person will try to take you down, betray you, or look forward to seeing you fail. They want nothing more than to see you down on your luck, miserable, and behind.
I think that many of us allow OPPs to invade our lives without even knowing it. And having that negative energy around you can have a significant impact on the quality of your life and your mental health.
It’s unfortunate that you will come across these people in your life, but it’s a real concern and it needs to be mentioned for your own protection and peace of mind. There are some people out there who will just not like you for whatever reason and there is nothing you can do about it.
These are the people who will go out of their way to try to sabotage things for you, talk badly about you behind your back, and discredit you in any way possible in an attempt to bring you down (socially, personally, professionally). They could be people who you hang out with socially. Or people who watch your social media profiles. They can even be your close relatives at times.
Co-workers are often the most undercover of OPPs, smiling and laughing with you at work only to turn around and talk negatively about you to bosses and other co-workers.
Avoid these people at all costs if you want to experience lasting peace and progress in your life.
Who would you put into this category? Also, is it possible you have some OPPs in your life right now who you have thought of as a friend?
Your friends are the people who are down for you, there for you, and supportive of you no matter what. If you find yourself in an unexpected situation, they will come out and help you or at the very least get someone else to help you. When you find a funny meme online or have an interesting story to tell, they are the ones who will laugh with you about it. If you are going through something personally, they will check in on you regularly (at least once or twice a week) or come visit you. A friend will not hesitate to respond if you text or call them. They won’t “leave you on read” for days. They will get back to you as soon as possible because they know you and they LOVE you. Friends are hard to find, so when you have one, be one.
Who would you put in this category (true friends)?
This year I finally made the decision to change the phone number that I’ve had for over 20 years. Only the people I put in the “your” categories will have the new one. Then I’ll have a backup number for a few people who I don’t want to completely cut off communication with, but they fall into the associates or acquaintances categories. It’s a short and tidy list, and it’s a number I just won’t really monitor often. This second group of people are usually folks who only contact me when they need or want something.
I already feel more relaxed having made this decision. I would suggest that you might want to sort out your own categories (reliable family, friends, acquaintances, associates, adversaries), and do what works for you. Remember: self-care.
Love Lynn
From Let Him Chase You by Lynn Gilliard 15 days have gone by since their first date. 3 days have gone by since he last called or texted her. 7 days have gone by since he last set up a date with her. And it …
They say that hindsight is 20/20, meaning that if you could go back in time and change some of the decisions you’ve made in the past using the information you have today you probably would. But when you’re in the thick of a situation, things …
Celebrities, reality stars, social influencers, and everyday women do young girls a disservice by pretending that their relationships are “perfect.” Tell them the truth about life and relationships so that they can make better choices.
Recently a popular reality television personality from a show that I have really enjoyed over the years, came out to admit that her husband has been physically and emotionally abusing her for years.
The way that this couple presented their relationship on television from the start was as if they were meant to be. They were so in love — a match made in heaven. He was a “macho” guy and she was a hot-headed bad ass chick, but they somehow made it work. They got married and had a couple of kids. The perfect life. But in reality (according to her own statements) behind closed doors she was being threatened, spit on, thrown around, and harassed by her husband on a regular basis.
This reality star’s story is hardly the exception to the rule. Countless celebrities and personalities have revealed, after years of faking it on television and social media, that their relationships are a lot less than ideal. And that is putting it lightly. In the meanwhile, they’re essentially lying to the public — including the young girls and women who look up to them — about the realities of their relationships and what they’re enduring just to keep up with the illusion of a “perfect” union for TV.
I get it. Everyone wants their life and relationship to look perfect. It makes you feel superior to others and like you’re doing something right. But as a celebrity, a popular personality in the public eye, a social media influencer, or even just a mentor of sorts to the young girls in your life, you have a major impact on how young girls and women look at relationships. Also, what they feel about themselves.
In this particular celebrity’s case, she has spent 10 years letting her young fans think that her boyfriend/husband was a great guy who treated her like an absolute queen. Now, 10 years later she decides to reveal the truth. For 10 years her young fans have probably tried everything possible to get a guy just like that. I wonder how many of them found themselves in abusive relationships themselves, chasing that dream. Why? Because no one is telling them the truth about how things work in the real world.
For instance: A guy will put on his best behavior early in a relationship, but as soon as you start to see concerning signs (abuse, controlling behavior, intimidation), get out of there. The longer you stick around, trying to keep up appearances for others, the deeper you become entrenched in dysfunction and the harder it will be to leave the situation.
Another example: Things aren’t always what they seem on the surface. Don’t spend your life wishing for what other people have, because you never know what they’re really going through. Ever heard the saying, “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it?”
It would be great if we (the collective of women) could stop lying to young girls about the realities of relationships so that they can make better, more informed choices about the men they choose to allow into their lives in the future. We need to tell them the truth.
It would also be great if young girls and women started to recognize that the relationships they covet and try to mimic on television and social media are never as perfect as they’re portrayed.
Love Lynn
Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life? So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I …
Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships …
Right before writing this blog post, I was watching a TV show where a woman admitted that her husband wakes up, first thing in the morning, and says to her, “*EXPLETIVE that begins with a B*, where are my cigarettes?” Instead of putting him in his place, she just calmly tells him where his cigarettes are so that he’ll leave her alone.
Hearing that type of thing is shocking to a woman like me, because I am at a place in my life where I know my worth. There’s no way on God’s green earth that I would allow a man or anyone for that matter to address me as “bitch” instead of my name, and I’m going to be fine with that.
Though this story goes along with what I want to discuss in this post, it’s not what inspired me to blog about knowing your worth. The recent story of popular singer is what inspired me to write about this.
This singer was in a relationship with a rapper who sang about doing drugs and disrespecting women as if it was the natural way of things. This man had multiple children by multiple women — none of whom he felt was worthy of marriage. He is the type of man who wasn’t trained on how to take care of and love a woman. After getting her pregnant, he allegedly cheated on her and they broke up.
Many women who find themselves in this type of situation choose to continue the same cycle over and over again with the same type of man. But this singer chose differently. She decided to date a man who respected her true worth as a woman. They chose to be celibate and get to know each other in other intimate ways, and as of today they are engaged to be married.
Now I don’t know these people. I don’t know if her new guy is really as great a guy as he is portrayed in public. But the glow on a woman’s face tells the whole story, and based on the glow that is now coming off of this particular singer, she made the right choice.
Here is the most important takeaway from the story. Before she could meet a man who knew her worth, SHE had to know her worth.
The woman from the television show I mentioned earlier doesn’t know her worth yet, which is why she has continued to endure that level of disrespect from her husband. And if she doesn’t learn and acknowledge her worth, she will end up with another man who will treat her the same exact way.
A Confident Woman
Knowing yourself means having confidence in your essence, value and power as a woman. I talk about this at length in my books Let Him Chase You and You Matter.
You have to have the type of confidence about yourself that overcomes any level of desperation and fear of being alone.
You have to have the type of confidence that makes it easy to not only drop a man who doesn’t respect your worth IMMEDIATELY, but also to FORGET about him just as quickly, continue to get out there, love life, and date if that’s what you want to do.
You have to have the type of confidence that actively attracts the right type of guys around you. The type of confidence about yourself that REPELS problematic men because they know they’re not in your league.
You have to have the type of confidence where you could be wearing a burlap sack and still know you look good. You know you don’t have to dress in less in order to attract attention.
When you have that level of confidence, men want to rise up to meet you where you are instead of trying to take you down. The men who prey on women who have low self-esteem won’t even try it with you.
Know Your Worth
If more women knew their worth, I believe the world would be a much better place for everyone. Everyone would do better and be better. Unfortunately a lot of women go into their senior years enduring pain and disrespect from their husbands, and that bad energy gets passed down from generation to generation.
Know that you matter, no matter what may be going on in your life. Keep that message close to your heart ALWAYS so that you won’t ever find yourself settling for something or someone who isn’t right for you.
Love Lynn
Some relationship advice columns (often offered by men if you’ll notice) tell women how they can make men happy or be more attractive to men to keep them around. But there are a few problems with this idea that women have to be aware of. …