You Deserve Love AND Respect
There was a classic scene in one of my favorite television shows from the 90s called It’s a Different World. In it, the main character Whitley Gilbert (played by actress Jasmine Guy) was in a counseling session with a therapist played by actress Debbie Allen. …
New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including: – pursuing your dreams – making good money – …
A lot of women (myself included) believe that when you first meet a guy, playing hard to get is the right way to go.
That may be true to a certain extent, but not to the point of indifference (not answering messages, acting as if he’s not important and you don’t care either way), and I’ll tell you exactly why.
When you first start dating a guy he doesn’t really know anything about you (and vice versa) at that point. He may be physically attracted to you and you have good conversation, but there’s nothing that deep going on yet. He doesn’t know enough about you yet to know that you’re an awesome catch.
So if you feign indifference when you’re actually interested in a guy that you’re still getting to know, there’s a good chance that he’ll eventually just give up and move on. If you are interested, you have to let him know by responding to his advances to keep the connection building. (There are exceptions to this rule of course — an ultra ego driven Alpha male might see the lack of interest as a challenge to conquer.)
When I say let a man chase you, I’m not telling you to sit up on a throne like Queen Sheba turning your nose up to all men as if they are peasants.
Communicate. Text back (maybe not immediately, but eventually). Offer a compliment once in a while. Agree to a few dates (and maybe decline a few if it’s not convenient for you). The point is that you don’t want to be the initiator or aggressor in the initial courting process. If you start off chasing him you’ll be chasing him forever! Let him handle the planning and details of your dating experience until you become a couple. If he can’t at least do that, he’s probably not the guy you really want to spend months or years of your life with.
Things change when you’ve developed a bond with a guy, which is officially called a “relationship.” Once he really likes you, if you start to pull away that might just drive him a little nuts and make him want to pursue you even more.
So the moral of the story here is: men find confidence (maybe even a little bit of arrogance) in a woman sexy but they also need to know that you have a genuine interest in them in order to keep pursuing you when you’ve just met.
So if you’re interested in a guy Let Him Chase You, but make sure he knows that there is a little bit of an interest there. The only time you should be indifferent to a new guy you’ve met is if you’re really just not that into him!
Love Lynn
I am a strong believer in soul mates — mostly because I believe I have met one of mine. My definition of a soul mate is someone who you can experience the ultimate feeling of love with in life. A true partner. There are people …
As women we have visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads when it comes to what we want from a man. What do we want from a relationship? Everything! He has to be kind. He has to look good. He has to make you happy. …
Have you ever met a new guy who you were interested in and got a feeling of déjà vu? He talks, walks, and has the same mannerisms or behaviors as another guy you’ve known before. He may even look like the guy you dated in the past. Bottomline you’ve met this guy before, just in a different body.
If this happens to you a lot, that may be because you are unconsciously sending off signals to attract the same type of guy into your life time and time again.
This happens a lot to women who go from one abusive relationship to the next.
There’s a theory that says we continually entertain the same types of men because we are trying to make it right with that other guy from the past. Only problem is, it usually doesn’t get better — history just repeats itself and you get hurt again.
So as much as you swear it will be different this time, you’ll most likely do and say the same things with this guy as you did with the other. You will likely fall into all of the same traps because as humans we tend to be creatures of habit.
So once you realize that you’ve dated the same type of guy before, the next move is on you. Will you continue to date this guy (knowing that you may be trying to make it right with that guy from your past) and risk being hurt again? Or will you take control over the situation this time and say no thanks to repeating history?
The choice is on you — whichever one you make, keep these thoughts in mind.
Love Lynn
We are our souls. Our souls are the essence of who we REALLY are — not our physical bodies. So it doesn’t matter how tall, muscular and good looking a person is on the outside, if the soul is ugly he is ugly, period. Do …
For a time, ever since my life transformation I’ve experienced a weird phenomenon with certain men. The guy approaches me. He’s extremely interested, has a nice conversation with me, but then leaves without asking me for my information to connect again. At first I think, …
As young girls and young women we’re taught by our parents and the media that having a man is a part of being a complete woman.
It happens both subconsciously and blatantly:
– “one day you’ll grow up, get married and have a big wedding” (as a young girl you start to believe that the main goal of LIFE is that wedding)
– “when are you going to have kids?” (an act which requires a man)
– movies, TV shows, magazine articles tailored for women that only focus on how to compete, “win” and keep a man
So it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you need a man to complete you.
But the truth is that a man should not complete who you are — he should be a special companion to an already complete and whole you.
One of the top reasons why so many women get into abusive or unfulfilling relationships with men is that they are searching for that someone or something to complete them. What happens instead is that either the man breaks down her self esteem even more OR leaves her and she’s back to feeling “incomplete” without the guy.
When you’re a whole and complete person all by yourself you might want a man, but you won’t need one in order to be okay.
Being in a happy relationship but not NEEDING the relationship in order to BE happy and complete is a very powerful place to be in as a woman.
Do you think you can get there?
I think so.
Love Lynn
In my books and blogs I advise women to let men chase you, but some women don’t quite get it. They’ve been taught that they have to go after the man that they want HARD and do whatever it takes to get him. They believe …